Post treatment 3-6 Months

Early December, and am hoping to get more taste etc back for Christmas, but not holding out much hope, although able to eat somethings, still rely on some milkshakes etc.

PET Scan planned for mid December, this is designed to show if I have any sign of cancer left in my body, they inject you with a liquid that is dispensed in a very controlled way, wait about an hour, for the liquid to go round your body, then take you through to the scanner, which lasts about 20mins etc, overall a pretty easy scan, nothing to get worried about. 

Appointment with Oncologist on 22nd December to get results from Scan, to be honest again hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst. Unfortunately it was confirmed although cancer was know where else, but some remained in the lympnodes on the  right hand side of my neck., I was told that cancer still seemed to be reducing and maybe dying away, they decided that I would get another scan in early February to see if clear at that point. Until next scan eating an drinking continued to improve, although tastebuds and saliva remained poor, energy levels slowly improved.

Through this time Morphine gets reduced every 4 weeks, and it was not until much later I realised after googling it, that some of the extra stuff I had been going through was due to coming off Morphine (being cold, runny nose, irritability, insomnia etc) even though it’s reduced slowly, you still feel some side effects every time it’s reduced, even when I took my last doseage, it took about a week to get rid of side effects. Looking back, I started getting Morphine when pain was very sore after PEG tube, and always went with what Hospital was saying, probably could have been off it much quicker? although everyone has their own levels of pain etc. 

Next PET Scan held on 1st February, and follow up meeting with Oncologist on the 9th Feb 2021. At the previous session they had explained that they may have to operate to remove lymphnodes. So as expected Cancer seemed to be still alive and growing a little in the lymphnodes, so decision was made to have an operation to remove some lymphnodes, rather than going through more Radiotherapy etc. Told some side effects of problems with loss of feeling/sensation on neck, and problems in shoulder.

Pre op meeting all usual checks weight, height etc, also got Pfizer vaccine prior to op also. Day of operation in at 730am, and taken down just after 9am, operation lasted approx 3-4hrs. They ended up removing 13 lymphnodes, but wound was glued and pretty clear, although large dressing on it for 24hours.  Allowed out later that night, so good to get home, given meds to cope with pain, and leaflet on exercises to deal with shoulder etc. Removed dressing and some paper stitches over next following days. Started exercises  a few days later, and certainly shoulder definitely affected through operation, as I lift my right arm, apart from it being sore, it has less movement and is a significant difference to the left arm., looking in the mirror, if I shrug my shoulders, there is about 3 inches a difference in height, so need to step up exercise etc. In conjunction with what I’ve already mentioned, I had follow up sessions with dental teams etc, and have planned appointment to get PEG tube removed. 

Follow up meeting with Specialist who did the neck operation, was happy that the wound was healing well, and confirmed that I could return to work in May.

It’s 26th April, and chunks of Scotland getting back some normality from Covid, with Hospitality and retail opening up along with gyms etc, for me I am at the hospital getting my PEG tube removed, offered some Gas/Air which I would recommend. Nurse fully talked through procedure, just had to lie back on bed, still had normal clothes on, she cleaned the area, and added some gel and moved to tube about to ensure it was easy to remove, during this I was told to take deep breaths with the Gas, TBH it does make you feel very lightheaded and bit spaced out, which was needed as nurse wrapped the tube round her fingers and yanked the tube right out...It was a little painful, but maybe felt the tug more than anything, it stung for about 30secs. Nurse dressed the wound, and left me for about 20mins for recovery. The plastic clip roughly size of a 50p that was in your stomach, as it had been in your stomach at actually ends up like rubber so actually folds up when being removed.

For first few days, just watched I did not eat and drink too much, as appreciate inner stomach healing, and did not like thought of some food or liquid leaking out my inner stomach...given dressings away with me to keep wound covered and clean, roughly take about 1-2 weeks to recover fully, only had to ensure did not go swimming for few weeks, until wound healed.

So few months till get next scan, to see if all clear, but still follow up meetings with Oncologist and dental teams planned.

For now will start to focus on getting back to work, and manage appointments as they come along, certainly walking much more, even managed to do 10km walk round local park.

I fully appreciate for me it has been a tough and challenging time, but I know I’ve been lucky, many people do not recover from this horrible disease, best thing I can do now is take greater care of myself and enjoy life and family much more, as life is too short

Pics above Hospital post neck operation and scar....other photos 4 weeks apart,, top one after a 8km walk building up energy levels for returning to work. 

9. Post treatment first 3 Months

Best news during this stage is no more new damage can be done, as treatment has been completed on 11th September 2020, although as I had previously stated the radiation still works away for the first few weeks after last session. 

Certainly medication getting from GP, is much easier, either order through link and get picked up, or can be delivered also. Abbots also call to check on level of Milkshakes and equipment for PEG tube. Hospital certainly give you lots of information and contact details. 1st follow up video call 1 week after last session, video call was with Oncologist nurses, as well as dieticians and Speech therapist (video calls much easier rather that trailing out etc) Covid has certainly brought in better ways of doing things. Appreciate still off work as levels of energy still low and inability to eat and drink makes life a bit harder. It is something that we all take for granted, is the ability to eat and drink more or less what you want, years of finding what you love and hate, to suddenly have that all taken away should not be under estimated, getting well is the priority, but losing this takes a bit to get used to, and you will. Sleeping gets better as days go on, and remember to to try and get any meds reduced ASAP, especially if you are still taking Morphine. 

In the early weeks after therapy I could not eat, drink anything. It got to the point where I fell out of love for food, just could not be bothered even trying to try things, I was conscious I had lost some weight, and did not want to put to much on?. 

After 1 of the video calls, I agreed to try harder with food, as I knew i had to see food as medicine, as I’m had to get back to some level of normal, or the PEG tube could not be removed, so i started doing things in reverse, trying custards, rice pudding etc first, early days could still not take tea or coffee, so was relying on water to eat things, each week managed to eat a bit more, although very little taste. TBH I was finding I could maybe taste some of the first mouthful, but then very little after that, so it was only heat and texture I could feel, but try try try,,,,defo found plain things tasted better again, and processed foods were not very good. It was strange that I had found taking a notion for certain things, Bagels which are not the easiest to eat with a dry mouth, but every morning I have a cinnamon and raisin bagel with butter, as weeks months went on was able to start drinking hot drinks, although stayed away from Dairy and soft drinks, as they tend to leave a bit of a furry mouth. Mouthwashes 4xday certainly helped a little to cleanse the mouth, and still using electric toothbrush now, certainly helping. 

Best tip here is keep trying to eat and drink things, and exercise little more each day

Top few pics at Xmas, other ones early December showing skin on neck all improved, and also some effects from Morphine.....also had a go at growing some facial hair ( funny as nothing was growing on neck, hair grew quicker and thicker around face)

8. Weeks 5 and 6 Treatment continues

Weeks 5 and 6 were similar weeks with few bouts of sickness due to coughing up mucus, not a great feeling being sick at the best of times, but when your throat is in a bad way, the taste and burning sensation in worse. Saliva totaly missing now, only seem to be able to produce a white bubbly type moisture which is not nice, so using more and more tissues to wipe the stuff away from the mouth. Taking 7 Ensure drinks and been placed on Insulin to help balance sugar levels. Also as no chemo i feel the damage by Radiotherapy is getting reduced, and with sugar levels better, feeling better. Sleeping also better getting used to 3hrs sleep and taking some additional Oralmorph then getting another 4/5 hrs sleep is working out not to bad. The lump in my neck continues to reduce in size, down to the size of a peanut about now. Drinking water is also very sore, never thought something like water could even be sore to drink, I do try, but find it very hard, have to compensate with adding more fluids through the PEG tube.

Found especially in week 6 skin on my neck was starting to get very red and break up, continued using the cream Epimax they gave me, which was a little soothing, even after the last radiotherapy, it still works away on the skin and tissue for a few weeks, so do not think any damage will stop after last session. 

Through the whole treatment I was able to drive myself to and from Hospital, but I only live about 4 miles away. Except for the days I had chemo, my son dropped me off and picked me up, mainly as a precaution, but everyone is different, and how we react to treatment again is unique to you as an individual.

Wee tip, as I’ve said just because treatment has finished, is only another stage, take your time, there will be no quick recovery.

Top few pics again showing damage from Radiotherapy, bottom pic, last day of Radiotherapy 

7. weeks 3 and 4 treatment

Week 3 continued where 2 left off, eating becoming quickly very hard, mainly as foods nipping the throat as opposed to swallowing. Chemo went ahead, blood levels were ok, although chemo does make you very tired and definitely a reason why Radiotherapy is allowed to just create damage to neck and throat, as chemo takes away any part of where body would normaly repair the Radiotherapy damage. Taking more Oralmorph as the week goes on, unfortunately made the mistake of not upping my intake of the laxitive drink, as the Oralmorph can give you trouble going to the toilet. So by the Thursday i was struggling big time to do the toilet, to be honest it was one of the worst feelings I've ever had, had several hot baths as well as taking about 6 Laxitive drinks the whole day, eventually by 9pm that night i was able to go the Toilet, what a relief, never plan to repeat that mistake. Friday starting to rely more on feeding tube now for most medicines, have had to get liquid for my diabetes tablets also. Even small pots of custard with cream, i am finding it harder to take as it is nippy on the throat. Week 3 also sleep remained the same getting about 3-4 hrs max at anyone time. Start of week 4 Sat was looking forward to weekend, that was short lived, after taking all my medication, i was sitting relaxing watching TV, when i started to feel my heart start to race, i went and lay down to relax further, again this did not help, even started to watch Still Game, as thought that would take my mind of things, but no, heart continued to race, eventually i called Ambulance, to cut long story short i was admitted into Coronary Care unit, and after days of tests, it was found i had Hypertrophic Cardiomyopothy which is a thickening of the heart muscle, a Genetic issue, which has been highlighted by the Chemo, so Chemo was stopped, and I will be checked every year on my heart. Radiotherapy continued from the Tuesday, all meds and food all through tube also. Got home on the Tuesday night. Week 4 continued with no further issues. Look forward to end of week 4, and hoped the weekend would be more relaxing than the last.  

Pic shows hairline at rear taking a hit with the radiation, other pic showing in A+E as chemo highlighted a genetic heart condition, shows how much cancer treatment can put body under real pressure. 

6. Weeks 2 Chemo and Radiotherapy

So this week we enter and exit week 2 of Treatment.

Suppose good point of reminder, is everyone's journey is unique, as how your body copes and deals with different levels of treatment is always going to be different. My initial mistake was forgetting, that getting Chemo as well as Radiotherapy, meant that Chemo basically kills your system from trying to recover any treatment from the radiotherapy. So basically meaning that Radiotherapy is constant downward scale of damage, with body not much fight to heal as it goes....Remember radiation cannot distinguish between good and bad tissue, so all gets damaged.

Started the week, with being told off for losing 6Ib...Again your body is working so hard, even though you may not be as active, you are burning calories very fast - so you do have to force calories down (would be easier if i was not diabetic).

Chemo and Radiotherapy all went as planned this week, but symptoms increased also.

Not sleeping whole night, Dry eyes, heartburn, dry mouth, sore throat, Taste-buds decreasing by the day (left with 15% by end of week) build up mucus, struggle to find things that feel quench your thirst. Weather been warm this week also, which has added further issues, mainly because i do not like the heat, but obviously have to stay away from the sun,,,neck area getting enough Radiation.

Even though throat has been sore, still managed to eat most things, although some items taste disgusting....so its a blessing when you taste something and it tastes almost normal,,,,i have found so far blander tasting foods seem to retain the same flavour?

Created a game with Granddaughter, where we would sample lots of things to see if i could eat them, she loved the ice lolly challenge, bought many other sweets also like jelly babies etc,,,,but the search continues.

Away to enjoy my Sunday, before week 3 starts, although looking forward to see what support the team can give me for my mouth and throat.....

Pics above....trying more soft things to eat, plus medication and ensure shakes (food supplements to try and maintain weight).

Onwards and upwards.

5. Main Treatment. Chemo and Radiotherapy

On 29th, attended an introduction session, showing me round chemo area, and also taking some details, as well as blood. It was a good session relaxed, and removing and fears.

My son dropped me off for my treatment on the 3rd August, I was prepared with bags, and even change of clothes etc along with some tech, to keep me busy during the day. I went to the Chemo area, as my bloods were taken week before, meant I could go down for my Radiotherapy session first. (Every other week I will need to get bloods taken and checked first. So my first session of Radiotherapy went well, they took 5mins just to ensure all measurements were all spot on, took about 10mins once it started. Thankfully I did not have any issues with dizziness etc, it was actually bit relaxing, just tried to think of positive things. Back up to chemo area, before they got me hooked up with treatment, they did agree to give me some additional antibiotics also, as there was a small infection at the PEG tube (it is common as it’s an open wound) 

Rooms are made up with 6 bays with chairs, they discussed, how they would place a line in my left hand, and start to pump in various liquids, (Steroids, Saline etc) these are to help keep the kidneys also. Chemo drug Cistplan was then put through, then followed with more flushing fluids. Whole day was relaxing, teas biscuits and dinner brought round. They do monitor how much you are urinating, just to make sure you have passed enough. My first day, I may have set a record, as the antibiotics also help you to urinate, along with my Diabetes, felt I spent more time in toilet, rather than sitting down. Got out at about 4pm.

Radiotherapy continued Tuesday to Friday 920am each day, all went well.

Few bits to note for first week. Do not underestimate how much your body can be affected even in the first week, TBH I probably did not rest enough, to the point where I had an episode on the Wednesday night where my Heart Rate would not go below 114, partly probably because tiredness and getting myself worked up possibly, I did call the relevant helpline, but did manage after few hrs to get it below 90. So please plan, everyone is different and level of treatment is unique to you. I certainly rested a bit more over the rest of the week, and felt the better for it. 

Other small changes. Felt head a bit cloudy at times and definitely felt a little more tired (Chemo side effect) Mouth was a little drier, and felt my throat start to get a bit more tender, but started using Humidifier. In summary after first week it felt I had aged by about 10-15 years. 

On the positive front, even after week 1 I have felt the larger lump start to reduce in size.

Weekend off with no treatment, so plan is to chill out, although the hot weather over the weekend, means I will be staying indoors, to keep my neck etc away from the Sun...better to be safe than sorry. 

Pic above showing unit for Radiotherapy and mask already on table, other pic is ready for chemotherapy 

4. Treatment Part 1

 is what i class as Pre Cuncer Treatment.

I thought that after hearing, that my Cuncer had a 90% success rate, then the road ahead with the Chemo and Radiotherapy was not going to be easy, but what i was not ready for was, the treatment required before the Chemo/Radiotherapy. The bit to

remember through all of this is, Your body is still trying to fight the cancer on its own (it does not realise there is some big guns coming to help) 

25th June 2020 - Video Call from Dental Team

Again due to Covid -19 the Dental team at the Hospital have only viewed an Xray on my teeth, that was done few days earlier. As the radiotherapy can be very evasive to the Jaw and mouth area, concern more in longer term with Muscles not allowing mouth to open so wide, to allow future Dental treatment to back teeth, also the bone along jaw could become brittle also. Now due to COVID they had changed procedures, where they would try and avoid treatments where possible, they thought my teeth were strong enough in the gums, they would normally remove back teeth, they left the decision to me. Great - TBH i had many problems with my teeth in my early years, basically 2nd set front teeth all grew in not great, so went through years of treatment, which left me with a bit of a fear, as Dentist was not exactly child friendly, eventually in late teens i got most of my front top and bottom changed to crowns...So to be given an option 1. Do nothing and hope for the best or 2. Go ahead and get 7 back teeth removed. Yes believe it or not i went for option 2. Think a few weeks of pain and feeling uncomfortable was probably best for the long term.

Prior to Hospital appointment to get teeth out, had to go for Covid Test - God that was not nice, felt like the swab was hitting back of my head....Came back Negative.

3rd July 2020 Attend Ninewells, admitted into ward, prior to being taken to get all 7 teeth out at once. Usual tests taken first Blood Pressure, ECG, Blood. Side note after 3 separate Drs and Nurses checking my heart, they discovered i had a slight Heart Murmur - thought what else are they going to discover.

Thankfully never stopped getting the teeth out, was taken up, put to sleep, and woke up on move back to ward.  Given some pain killers etc, and allowed to recover for number of hours. DR came back to confirm ECG showed heart ok, but there was a Murmur, but nothing that worries him. Got out later that evening. First few days were ok, taking Paracetamol and Ibuprofen at varying times to manage niggling pains. Follow up Video call from Dental team on the 7th just to check all ok, and again on the 10th, i had to attend again on 14th just to get an additional small part of bone/tooth removed that was niggling my inner cheek, given mouthwash also to help recovery - All went well, although getting used to new layout of inner mouth will take its time, especially as no back teeth to use to chew or bite.

Next part of Pre Treatment was getting a Radiotherapy Mask made and a  PEG tube fitted - Again this is a back up, to support the main treatment.

9th July 2020 was attending Radiotherapy area to get Mask Moulded to face/neck, as the measurements are very precise to maximise benefit and minimise damage to healthy areas.  For fitting they weigh you and intimate no weight loss allowed, to ensure Mask remains tight fit, also body needs to recover so you need to putting energy back in. 

3 Nurses involved in procedure, lay you down and get you into correct position, then get you to hold onto handles attached to a base plate to pull on, to lower shoulders. Meanwhile they have warmed the plastic mesh ready to be placed over face neck and top of shoulders. They place on, then nurses start prodding all over face and neck, moulding to face etc. It was actually relaxing. After short space of time, taken down for CT scan with Mask and secure me and mask to table, so we do not move, they scan and mark points all over mask, again all just as treatment is very precise. (Some videos on You tube can be easily found). 

10th July Video call from Speech and Language therapist, i was given a range of exercises to do, which is designed to help swallowing techniques, as Radiotherapy will increase the risk of throat being to sore, so these will help in long term.

Few weeks rest to recover Mouth etc, before next Hospital appointment, apart from few calls from Dental team just following up to ensure all was healing well.

20th July 2020 - Into local GP for Bloods to be taken, prior to the operation on 22nd July

Arrive at Hospital on the 22nd July, for getting the PEG tube fitted, usual pre checks done prior to be taken down. Procedure is basically, the insert a small thread via Endoscopy, through to stomach, they also inflate stomach at same time, they basically got through the stomach, and right through muscles and skin. At the other side of the thread, they then feed the tube through the body by pulling through the thread at the stomach area, the tube is then left in situation, where base is in the stomach, and 80% of the tube is left outside the body, with a clamp and feeding screwed inlets. They then removed endoscopy etc, so nothing left sticking out of mouth. During main part of procedure, you do not remember much, TBH only thing I remember was burping loudly, with the air they pumped into the stomach.

I will be honest, this took a few weeks to calm down, do not underestimate how much your stomach muscles are affected, very uncomfortable getting in and out of bed. Each morning and night you have to flush through approx 60ml water to keep tube clear. I did use it a few times to pump in the laxatives, as I was given Oral Morphine, which can make you Constipated, Laxatives not the best so it was good practise to use the food tube. As a further bit of advice, try and get off Morphine as soon as possible, side effects coming off it are not very pleasant, this will be mentioned later on blog.

Main event of treatment planned to start 3rd August 2020, so few weeks recovery before treatment kicks off for real. 

Top pic is after PEG tube fitted

3. Diagnosis

29th May 2020. Day of appointment at E.N.T at Ninewells. Again as during Covid, meant normal hospital appointments did not exist. So entrance hall, I was given a ticket after Temp taken, before allowed to visit appointment area. Seen by Dr Jai Manickavasagam again team were all dressed up in PPE, which i was totally ok with, but they were apologetic. After initial feel of my neck and lump, he agreed he wanted to do an Gastroscopy. After a brief wait in waiting area, I came back into room for the Gastroscopy, this was testing enough when they placed down my throat, but they then also went down my nose, which was a bit more testing. He also took 3 samples from my lump for a biopsy, liquid looked like a cloudy fruit smoothy ( although bet it would not have tasted like it though). They allowed me five mins rest, before discussing his thoughts, he confirmed that biopsy will hopefully confirm what is the root cause and what is wrong, but he was thankfully open and honest, and stated in his opinion, it was HPV related Cancer from a lesion on right Tonsil. He said with a focused look, we will sort this, he hinted at strong chance of recovery, he stated that he was planning to send me for a further CT and MRI scan, then after them they should be able to fully confirm Prognosis and hopefully Treatment.  I thanked him and his team for their empathy and honesty.

As I had stated I sort of knew that I had cancer, but there is a difference to feeling it, to be told it from a Doctor (even though not 100% confirmed). My Pragmatic part of me started working again, working out that Scans are needed to confirm nothing anywhere else, and biopsy to confirm if Cancer?, but other parts of me then start thinking about if things have started to spread elsewhere, as I knew my Father eventually was lost to Liver Cancer. 

So I was feeling a little more concerned that it could be more, but was working out how things can be sorted if the news was the worst. Strange that when facing possible mortality, I was calm, as I knew I would have time to get things sorted, wife could move in with Daughter, and financially although few areas to sort, but more than happy that wife would be well looked after, and my wider family are strong, and would look out for them also. My only thing that could bring me to tears, and it is now as I write this, is the thought of no longer being here for my Granddaughter (my Kryptonite). 

12th June 2020 Day of CT and MRI scan at Stracathro hospital.  I have taken my wife to get CT and MRI scan before, but obviously was never allowed to be in the room, so although I had seen pictures, I had refrained from looking too much into it. So usual Covid Qs and Temp testing again. As I ensured I had wore lose type clothing, I did not have to change into hospital gowns (just joggers and plain T-shirt). They took me into room for MRI, and explained process. Remember Wife was given options of Albums to listen too, I was only given choice of  Genre of music. I choose to listen to Classical, as I always felt that was relaxing ( as I used to spend lot of time driving) so they gave me headphones and laid me down, and gave me a handheld device to contact them if I was struggling.

I will say at this point, I do not class myself as claustrophobic, ( but I remember as a kid struggling if stuck in a rugby scrum, or at the bottom of a kids piley on). So they take me in, my arms were crossed over my stomach, and I could feel either side of the unit with my elbows, I opened my eyes and could see top of unit was only about 3 inches away, at this point I closed my eyes and for about 10 mins I worked VERY hard to keep myself calm, as the pounding drumming noise got louder. Eventually music started playing although not loud, unfortunately the classical music I asked for, was more like church organ music, so with the combination, it was like I had awoken at my own funeral 😂😂 not funny at the time. I knew my whole body was taken in machine at times, but managed to keep calm. I was in the MRI for about 50mins maybe more, and I knew then if I can do that, everything else was going to be a walk in the park....So take advice listen to Pop or Rock, not Funeral music.

CT scan, again I had seen pics, so I knew this was going to be a breeze compared to MRI, as machine is not fully enclosed. They did give me a few injections to help see parts of my head and neck. The liquid CONTRAST, that was a strange sensation, it was like warm metal going round your body then eventually down to business end, felt briefly like I had wet myself, the feels warm at the other end, very strange ( warning I did have Diarrhoea a few days later which I thought was related to that liquid). they did the scan, which only lasted about 20 mins, and was pretty easy, especially after MRI.

16th June 2020. Video call had been arranged to discuss biopsy and hopefully the scan results. My daughter had decided she was going to be in house with me and her mum, when I received video call, possibly because they were concerned I would hide or sugar coat what is said. So video call set up was great, as saved so much time and money for going to hospital etc. It was same Dr Jai Maickavasagam      on the video, he started off by saying it’s Bad News, my wife and daughter let out a screech and held hands in their face, while I took a breath, he said it is cancer in my tonsil areas and had spread to Lymphnode, so it was just the confirmation that he told me at the appointment, but when he said Bad news made it sound there was other things they had found, so quickly wife and daughter had a sigh of relief. He confirmed I would start to receive further video calls and appointments to attend. He briefly went through the scans and thankfully was able to confirm that no cancer anywhere else. That was always my biggest concern, so at least confirmed I have CUNCER, but also huge relief that high % of recovery.

23rd June 2020 Meeting planned at Hospital with Specialist DR Richard Casasola. Oncologist  and 2 nurses Gemma and Elaine, to discuss bit more detail around Cuncer and the treatment. My Daughter came along to appointment also, as she wanted to be able to support, as it might have been too much for her Mum. They took usual basics height weight. DR Casasola asked me what I knew and how as feeling, he then proceeded to give me his initial thoughts. 6 weekly sessions of chemotherapy and 6weeks of daily sessions of Radiotherapy, they then went to explain that Radiotherapy can cause wider issues due to area of treatment, so went on to confirm I might have to get back teeth removed and possibly a PEG food,tube fitted, as throat could get too sore to swallow.

So full Diagnosis Metastatic Squamous Cell Carcinoma in neck, primary source Tonsil.

Pics above just as I got teeth out, also getting Son to give me a much closer cut.

2. Pre Diagnosis

It was around January, when I first started to notice a slight change in my body, nothing like sore throat etc, but physically I felt I was not firing in all cylinders, and mentally also, felt I was a little less patient than normal, I was more aware of this, as I remember my wife’s attitude seemed to change about 4 weeks before her stroke, so I was consciously trying to take things a little easier.

As time progressed then the Covid-19 Pandemic started to ramp up, business that we do meant our operation more than doubled in sales and output in matter of weeks, so far more extra pressure etc was taking its toll a little, through these weeks I again was finding my patience was less than normal, but suppose given the challenges all key workers had it was no surprise, as most key workers were working harder than ever, while it seemed 70% of the population were getting fully paid extra holidays.

As I had mentioned I am type 2 Diabetic, so I was given option to be off on full pay, until further notice, I continued to work, as I did not want to let my team down, especially at a time when we were under extreme pressure to do our bit, to keep the country going, I just agreed to be more careful and ensure I followed extra measures like using Mask etc.

On the weekend of around 25th April, I discovered a lump in my neck under my skin, on the right hand side, about 1/2 inch from throat and jawline, although this was not visible from looking at me. I only discovered it while shaving and stroking my neck for any small hairs still needing shaved. I asked a few people if they have felt similar things in their necks at times? No was the only reply. Did the usual and looked at other possibilities, although there was many other potential reasons, I sort of knew at that point that this was not going to be good news. ( I had a little understanding of Lymph-nodes and cancer as wife’s cousin had a long battle with lymphoma).

27th April I called the GP surgery, telephone call as during Covid, after explaining lump etc, he suggest to call him back next week, as these types of lumps can be for other reasons.

5th May I called GP again, after brief call, he asked me to pop down, did all the usual tests Blood Pressure , Heart rate etc, he had a good feel of neck and lump. His initial thoughts due to me having no sore throat etc were that it might be nothing to worry about, but was going to send me to get an ultrasound to double check. I continued to work.

13th May attend Arbroath hospital, as procedures being pushed to other places to protect Ninewells. My daughter came with me, as some support, although she had to stay in the car. Family were starting to get a little nervous now.

Lots of regulations in place for to prevent spread of Covid. I attended appointments, two lovely young nurses seen to me and did my ultrasound, which was actually quite soothing and relaxing. After they finished, I tried to add a bit of humour, and ask well is it a boy or a girl. Fair play they said no, its twins. They were open and honest, said they had seen abnormalities in both sets of Lymph nodes on either side of my neck, but could not say why they were abnormal etc, and confirmed to speak to GP for further advice.

14th May, I didn’t hang about, I called GP, as I know NHS has everything online, so GP should be able to view ultrasounds etc. He called back and agreed that there seems to be “something nasty” going on which is making Lymph-nodes being abnormal, especially with the main one at about 2-3 cm in length. He stated he will send me to ENT specialist at Ninewells.

After the confirmation I have something else wrong in my body, other than Diabetes, I then decided to reach out to work, and seek the relevant time off for Covid, given my potential health risk. Think the time was to put myself and my health first. In Fairness helped having a very decent guy as a Boss, and a job share Mgr who was more than capable of keeping the business going/growing.

So in summary I sort of knew at that point I had some form of cancer, but suppose hoping for a small miracle. 

This is suppose when your mind starts to run away with yourself.

Pics above prior to starting treatment.

1. About Me

Thank you for reading my blog, first of all, If you are reading this due to a recent discovery of cancer in yourself, or your family, then I hope and pray that some of what I am going through can be a source of some support and confidence on the road ahead.

I am generally a private person, so writing this and laying it out for anyone to read, is not something I look forward too, but if it even helps one person with their journey. then that’s a good enough reason for me.

I am starting this blog on 27/7/20, 51 year old Male, type 2 Diabetic, and bit overweight, but in general decent health. Never smoked and not a regular drinker, although my diet maybe not the best, but not the worst either. 

Married for 25 years, 2 wonderful kids, and an absolute smasher of a granddaughter (who is my world and my kryptonite). 

Our small world was hit with a major issues back in 2015, when wife suffered a major stroke, which thankfully she managed to survive and do extremely well to recover as much as she has done.

Although never liked school, did manage to get to a reasonable level of career and pay scale, although Pay was never my number one aim, just wanted to get family to a level where we could enjoy some of the worlds delights, plus give my kids a bit of drive to build their own lives. My wife would have said I was bit of a workaholic, although I would never class myself as that, suppose I always cared about doing a good job, and always did not want to let people down. 

From early childhood family always were involved in the local church, as well as boys and girls brigades, both Parents were Godsends. They brought 5 kids into the world and did everything possible for everyone to help us all at different times. Both taken too soon, but remain as strong backbones in our life.

Family and very close friends are a great source for keeping you sane and level headed. I would normaly sugar coat information to family, but i was warned to be open and honest. So i have been, which has been a benefit, my bestie of over 45years, is a constant in my life, who was always there when i needed him.

I take great pride in never failing in any challenge, first recollection was a teacher at high school telling me not to take Maths as I would not be able to do it...2 years later when I achieved my O grade Maths, I was more than happy to seek out the relevant teacher. That type of attitude is what I suppose has made me what I am today. 

      So Cuncer is my next challenge - Not going to start failing NOW.....

Few pics above is me with my wife, and my Kryptonite 

                        (Cuncer is not a spelling mistake 😉)